Read a Tribute

Colleague

I am so sad to hear Win has gone. We worked together on the DCP South East Coast committee of the BPS during the turbulent times just before the ACP was set up. Win was so dedicated and loyal to the BPS and to her colleagues.....

I personally stayed on the committee longer because of her - she kept me going. She also was very generous with her time when advising me about setting up in private practice. I learnt so much through her. She would check in with me from time to time over the phone and we'd have a good chat. I still remember exactly where I was when she first told me about her illness. She was so determined to get through it.

Even though she was facing this really big scarey thing, she still wanted to know about me and hear my news. It was the beginning of covid and she'd talk about visting a lake near her with her husband. When she told me the news I had gone out for a walk and was taking a rest next to a lake too and pictured her next to 'her lake'.

I remember her face, her slim stylish figure, her blond hair, her smile, her voice - I remember her giving me a lift in her sports car after a DCP meeting at Brighton and loved how she unashamedly enjoyed her little luxury. I just felt safe with her - she was authentic, an ally, a good human being who did not engage in judging others. I trusted her, I loved her gutsiness... so many things. I'm sorry you are gone Win.

Chris, Patient
I only met with Win probably four or five times whilst I was suffering with quiet a severe bout of depression....

Feing such a personable and understanding lady full of wisdom, she very quickly enabled me to understand why I felt the way I did which in turn, aided me to making a very speedy recovery.

During one of our sessions I must have mentioned that I was soon going to purchase some bikes for my partner and I so we could take the children out for bike rides.

A couple of days later, Win and her husband come to my house with a couple of bikes which she passed on to us. This really meant the world to us and it just demonstrated how much of a genuinely beautiful person she was. As I say, I only met Win a handful of times but she definitely changed my life for the better.

Al, Client
Dear My Guardian Angel Win Fleming,

I have no real words for the impact you had on my life. You helped me at my worst, celebrated me at my best and for that I will be eternally grateful....

I will forever cherish our cups of tea on a cold winters day, your fighting pep talks and unbeatable, optimistic outlook on life. All of which will live on with me and many others who have been lucky enough to know you. You loved so much, asked for so little and taught endless lessons for us all to live by.

Gone but never forgotten, missed but always remembered.
A loss to so many, but a Win for us all.

Anne, school friend

I was delighted to be reunited with Winifred (for that is how I knew her) just a couple of years ago. We picked up almost as if we hadn't been apart and that was a gift of Winifred's. So easy, relaxed and thoughtful, she was truly gifted in her communication with others...

How I admired Winifred as she tackled her illness head on. She remained upbeat throughout and her positive attitude supported us all. She had great empathy and a great sense of humour and fun.

Rest in peace Winifred. She will be much missed and the world is a poorer place without her.

Susan, friend from childhood
Winifred and I started school together many moons ago and I cannot remember a time when she wasn't there. I'm one of a handful of people who still call her by her full name as I always liked it and I'd been using it a very long time!

Although I was sad to learn that it was kept secret from so many people, I immediately understood why.

Everyone has already mentioned about how caring, compassionate and non-judgemental she was - and that is true - but not many will know about another facet of her character, which was her great love of Music. This began at Junior school but continued when we moved up to Senior school. At one point, we were in the recorder group, two choirs and four orchestras. This involved rehearsals on Wednesday evening, Thursday lunchtime, Friday night and Saturday morning! We would love to reminisce about the music we played and it was a great part of our lives. She loved to play the violin and possessed a fine singing voice. In the later years at school, we used to ‘gate-crash’ talent competitions at our local pubs, where we sang solos or duets, winning bottles of pomagne or a £5 note!

Strangely, we were together in the same classes for 13 years. When we did A levels, it was lonely without her when she did Physics and I did Music. My extensive diaries are full of "rang Winifred", "went to Winifred's", etc and we often had deeply philosophical conversations about anything that cropped up. As she was always a wise soul, I could always rely on her for advice or just an ear to listen to adolescent woes.

Although we weren't always in constant touch after leaving school, we picked up where we left off with Christmas cards, letters and then visits from her and Martin. In the last few years, we were lucky enough to meet up with our senior school friends and, most recently, for my birthday in October, 2020. At that time, we both had cancer, although I didn't know I did until a few weeks later. Again, thinking of others instead of herself, she tirelessly rang medical people for me, sent me books, information, food supplements and generally kept my spirits up. Right up to the end, she was advising me on what to do. That was Winifred. Now, when I feel sorry for myself, I can hear her saying, "Come on Susan - you can do it!"

Over many decades, we never had a cross word and I thought of her as the sister I never had. So many people will miss her greatly, especially Martin and their families, but there isn't a day goes by that I don't think of her and the happy times we had. I was so lucky to have Winifred in my life and in my heart, she will always be my very dear friend.

Sue, friend
How do you sum up the incomparable Win? In three words: A Beautiful Soul. I met her over twenty years ago and I was honoured to be her friend....

So wise and practical, never judgemental, she guided me on so many subjects, both professionally and personally.

She always made time for me, was so selfless, despite her own hectic schedule. I will miss Win beyond all measure, she was such a wonderful, supportive friend but I am grateful for having her in my life, enriching it in so many ways.

I will always remember and treasure her incomparable spirit and zest for life and the many happy times we spent together.

Rest In Peace dear Darling Win

Helen, ex-colleague and friend
I first met Win when I was on the interview panel for the post of psychologist at Ashford Hospital over 20 years ago. She was clearly the best candidate!...

For many years we worked closely together and became great friends, our friendship continuing after I retired. She was an excellent clinician, no patient was ever too ill or too damaged to be refused treatment by Win.

The word I shall always associate with Win is ‘Compassion’, she often spoke about it and always demonstrated it in her work and her life.

She was a prime mover in organising social activities outside work and always arranged the annual Ashford Christmas party.

There is not enough space to say more about her and the wonderful support she could always rely on from Martin. She tackled her final illness with amazing courage, hope and resourcefulness researching all possible treatments.

She shielded all her friends from the ravages of her illness and my last and abiding memory of her is seeing her as beautiful, positive and as radiant as ever at a lunch she organised for a group of us last Summer.

I shall miss Win terribly but she leaves me with wonderful memories, gratitude for her unfailing support and has reminded me the world is a better place if we can always try to show compassion.

From a Friend

Win had a gift, she saw people and she taught others to see people too. She had empathy and compassion in bucketloads, and people felt that from her. Her empathy didn’t come from reading books or studying psychology, but from something instinctive and pure....

She somehow knew what people needed and when, and tried her best to fulfill those needs.

Over the last 27 years, Win has been many things for me including; friend, protector and when I was young she even offered me a maternal nurturing too which was incredibly precious.

She fought for me, made sacrifices for me and caught me more than once when life was cruel. There are no words for how much of an impact this has had on me, and how grateful I am for it.

All my life I have known she was there, even during the years of little contact, and that has brought me great comfort and reassurance.

She taught me to be tenacious and always be true to yourself and others. I often repeat phrases she used, in my own work now, and I have remembered many of them from 27 years ago! That’s how much of an impression they made on me.

Professionally she always gave more than she was expected to and was incredibly selfless. You were never alone with Win in your corner.

My favourite story about Win is that she used to tell me that people lived with dinosaurs and we survived when they died out. It made me smile.

She said that if people could survive their time with dinosaurs then we can deal with anything that comes our way now. I love that and it doesn’t really matter if they did or didn’t coexist - in darker moments, I picture it and it makes me smile and motivates me to get moving.

She had a clever way of making simple things comforting and motivating.

I wish I’d been lucky enough to get to know Win personally, more than I have done, and I wish I’d be able to tell her in person just how much she has meant to me and how much she has shaped my life.

Instead, I will use what she taught me, to try to help others and hopefully pass on some of the gifts that she gave to me – I think she would have liked that.

My thoughts are with Martin and Win’s family and close friends.
She will be so very much missed. We are all so lucky to have known her! X

Stephanie, niece
My wonderful Auntie Win, You were and always will be such a special part of my life, I have so many wonderful memories of you from when I was very little right up to the most recent weeks....

Lee often used to say I was like a mini Win, I never thought much of it at the time but now it means so much to me.

I now hear myself saying things that I would have heard you say or trying to think of what you would have done in situations. You will always be a huge part in Lee’s, mine and our children’s lives. We love you very much. xxx

Fiona, client
Win really was the most incredible person. She was blessed with extraordinary levels of wisdom, human understanding, compassion and determination. As a professional she went way above the call of duty to help and support others, using her extensive knowledge and seemingly boundless energy and tenacity to challenge injustices whenever she saw them...

She was my rock through difficult times and her legacy will undoubtedly live on through the many people, like me, whose lives she has touched so deeply. Heartfelt condolences to Martin, and all Win's family, on the untimely loss of such a truly wonderful woman.

Pierre, friend
Win was a loyal friend, very caring, very giving, always thinking of others with no exceptions. Being part of her life was a privilege, and it was kind of being reminded ourselves to be good to the world because she was setting the example....

And there was always her smile as a background to remember that life was not, at last, too bad . Her smile will always help me to carry on living with gratitude.

And I shall always thank life to have put us together for so many years.

The picture that I share is a memory of that wonderful day when she officially joint Martin, her husband. Wonderful couple!

Cris, patient and friend
I would want to say so many things about the marvellous Win but I’d just say that she gifted me with joy, something I forgot what it was when I first met her....

She supported me not only from a patient stand point but we became friends and she taught me how to be happy again and appreciate life. Win was and will be an example to follow, she was caring and happy and always bright and shining. I’ll always have her in my heart, what she taught me will remain with me forever.

Chris, friend
It is not easy knowing where to start when trying to share a memory about Win. There are so many and almost all of them make me smile....

Win was kind and gentle and also totally fearless which often do not go hand-in-hand.

For someone so petite people must have been surprised and sometimes shocked at the sheer force of her will to, 'do the right thing', to defend those that had been wronged and to protect the weak and innocent, whether they be human or animal.

She was incredibly smart with a thirst for knowledge and understanding and had a great sense of humour. Win was always smiling. There are not many who leave such a big legacy with so many people from all walks of life.

Win was a peaceful Warrior and what a rare and powerful combination that was for us to try to emulate in our own small ways.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay a while and leave footprints on hearts, and we are never the same" Flavia Weedn

Tonie, sister-in-law
I have known Win for over 40 years, during that time of knowing her, she has given her time to others selflessly and always made sure that her mother, father, brothers and sister, were okay...

She always went above and beyond when it came to making sure they were alright in any given situation and at any time.

She became the glue that held the family together and always made sure that everybody’s birthday was celebrated. At Christmas times, she made sure that all her nieces and great nieces got together to celebrate as a family.

I will always remember Win as a caring and selfless human being.

I know that everybody who knew Win will miss her dreadfully, but will remember her with love for the good and kind person she was. xxx

Vera, friend and ex colleague
Win was my friend and colleague at the Ashford Mental Health Unit, where we both worked for many years until 2011. But Win was not one to retire with clients still needing help...

So Win continued her practice of Psychology part-time, giving clients her wise, compassionate care, supporting them in their various difficulties and fighting injustices on their behalf.

There was also a very generous, fun-loving but practical, side to Win: the organiser of lunches and parties, the one to order “bubbles for all”, the one to remember birthdays, the one who playfully talked to grazing cows in a field.

Win was always optimistic, encouraging others in their endeavours, whilst never sparing herself in offering help.

A very special person was dear Win: lively, great company and great fun, but also someone with determination to uphold her strong ethical values and to be there for those she could help.

So heartbreaking to lose such a truly good and life-enhancing person.

Karen,- sister-in-law
I remember when Win first entered my life, must have been back in the 1980s, when Martin brought her home to meet our family. The first thing I noticed was the interest she showed in each and everyone of us....

She was so lively, positive, like a breath of fresh air, nothing would faze her, she would always try her hand at anything and everything.

Win once invited me to visit her during her time at Darenth Park. I was young, naïve, very shy and was way out of my comfort zone, but Win helped to draw me out. I particularly remember when we broke down in Win’s brown Renault car on a busy motorway. I headed for the nearest emergency phone point, but Win had used her magnetic charm and smile to flag down another car.

Decades on, Win had become such a big part of my life and was the ‘go to’ person during my difficult times, and I feel I have drawn so much from Win’s solid and trusted advice. More recently, Win comment how confident I had become over the years, and I would like to give Win credit for helping me achieve that.

It is very hard to believe I won’t see Win again, but for me she is certainly here in spirit. Whenever I experience difficult times going forward, I will close my eyes, see Win and she will advise me what I should do.

Thank you Win for being in my life.

Naomi, niece-in-law
I won't forget

How we knew you were about
For the sun came out
You would laugh with sparkles in your eyes
You brought so much fun to our lives

I won't forget

How we knew you were there
For you deeply cared
You were so attentive to other people's strifes
And determined to do what was right

You would help with every effort you could
If you saw how to make it better, you would

I won't forget

The times we laughed til we cried
The inner strength you helped me find
All the things you taught me how
That I carry with me now

Mike, friend
Win was, without a shred of doubt, the most selfless person I have ever known. She would never let people down and would always be there when needed....

“Sorry, I’m too busy” and “not today I’m afraid” were phrases that were just not in her vocabulary. One of my lasting memories of Win was a beautiful sunny Summer’s day, sitting in the grounds of a grand country hotel having afternoon tea and simply enjoying the moment.

It was an honour to know you Win .

Shaheen, ex-colleague and friend
My dear friend Win, It is with deep sadness and a very heavy heart that I am addressing you in the past tense on this occasion....

We met in 1995 when I moved down from Scotland to take up the Consultant Psychologist post in Primary care at Surrey Oakland - West. You were already in Consultant post in Primary care on Surrey Oakland - East.

You were very keen to create an easily assessable seamless service for patients in Primary care. This common interest made us work together on different projects, establishing Psychological

Therapies in GP practices, a new approach that was not very common in other 'health boards' at that time. Your energy, compassionate client-focused approach and dedication to the service was remarkable.

We used to travel to London, Oxford, and other venues to attend training programmes, conferences and other academic activities, at times spent time till the small hours in the morning talking about improving service delivery to our very complex client groups.

Later on when Surrey Oakland's was taken over by Surrey & Borders we spent many evenings going over Marsh's books and other writings on treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder to understand her treatment protocols.

We spent time in peer supervision sessions with other colleagues. Can't believe that it is all history now. I was always impressed by the depth and the wealth of your knowledge and experience, your aptitude to work hard and your kind and caring nature to do the best for your patients. In this process I learned a lot from you.

We spent a lot of time in each others company as colleagues and became good friends. You and Martin became a part of our family.

I fondly remember our family trip to Scotland. Most memorable are our yearly celebrations of Burns night at Middle Temple, one of the four Inns of courts and our regular New Year get together.

You were always life and soul of the party, getting even the most reluctant to engage in ceilidh dancing. The last time we were together at Burns night celebration was in 2020.

We all had a whale of a time, planning to return the following year. Soon after it is hard to believe that you succumbed to cancer.

You fought the dreaded illness bravely, researching and exploring different treatment options till the very end. You passed away, peacefully.

It is hard to believe that you are not with us any more. Dear Win, you will always be in our heart and missed dearly. Rest in heavenly peace.

Kevin, brother-in-law
Win was a very special and unique person and I will miss her greatly for her caring along with her help and advice....

Win was completely selfless and would help others at whatever cost to herself. Nothing was too daunting or difficult for Win, if she thought something needed doing she would get stuck in with typical endless energy and efficiency.

Win helped me in countless ways over the years, when I got my last car Win spent hours researching what would be the best car for me to get. When we went on outings, Win would always be buying treats to make the occasion more special.

Like anyone who ever met and knew Win, I will miss her so much, but she has left us with so many happy memories and her spirit will live on and our memories of her will never fade.

Lisa, friend from Australia
I met Win over 30 odd years ago through Martin who worked with my partner at the time. I immediately felt at home in Win’s presence ...

I met Win over 30 odd years ago through Martin who worked with my partner at the time. I immediately felt at home in Win’s presence and thought what a dynamo she was. Win always put others first, was fiercely courageous in calling out injustices as she saw them, challenging those whom she felt were not always doing the right thing. Most importantly, Win knew how to have fun with great panache! The world needs more Wins! Win, you will remain forever in my thoughts and will be very sadly missed.

Alison, Friend and fellow student
Win was an extraordinary woman, full of love, joy, energy, and compassion.

I learnt a great deal from her and will always remember her with great fondness and a smile because she always made life brighter! Her dedication to people with learning difficulties when she was in the early years of psychology training was a tribute to her patience and deep compassion. She was a great advocate for others and this was heartfelt and went beyond doing her job. I am pleased I got to meet and learn from Win.

Sarah - Niece
My Auntie Win was such a beautiful soul. It was such a shock to learn this wonderfully fit, healthy woman had been struggling for so long with such a terrible illness...

Although I was sad to learn that it was kept secret from so many people, I immediately understood why.

My Auntie Win was the pillar that kept our family together throughout the years. There was never a need, great or small, which she wouldn’t ensure to have met.

It wasn’t unfamiliar to learn that she’d driven from Ascot to Wimbledon, up to Chester, then Crystal Palace and back to Tooting to give Uncle John a visit too. All in a day!

It is this persistent desire to help everyone else that I’m sure spurred her decision to keep her illness secret. Even the thought of having everyone looking after her, would have gone against every bone in her body!

I feel truly blessed that over the last year or so as I’ve been travelling Australia, which is full of thousands of wonderful bird species, Auntie Win and I have bonded over this. Sharing videos of her feeding the birds and ducks at home and me mimicking her voice speaking to all the ‘Pretty Pollys’ here!

Auntie Win was an inspiration to so many. I would never have considered the idea of going to Uni without knowing the time and effort she had made in becoming a clinical psychologist. Furthermore, I loved that before a ‘Gap Year’ was even popular, Auntie Win had got herself on those cruise boats travelling around the Caribbean!

I will forever admire the unfaltering desire to be there for others and will always be grateful for our many heart to heart conversations and the odd glass of bubbles too!

Catherine, colleague
Win and my paths crossed professionally over much of our working lives, but I only got to know her well in the last few years...

As a psychologist Win was intent on providing the highest quality service and was tenacious in working in her client’s best interests. She also was active in the Division of Clinical Psychology promoting the status and impact of the profession. But Win was also a humorous and mischievous person whom I remember from social events and in particular the Burns Night celebrations in recent years. She will be missed.

Win exuded so much energy and she lives on in the hearts and lives of the people who knew her.

Ruth, friend, ex colleague
Win was a wonderful friend and mentor to me...

I met her first in 2005 as I started my first clinical post after graduating and she was my supervisor. She had endless positive energy for life and people and made it look so easy to be non judgmental - something we know it is not! She was a woman of conscience, never tiring in her efforts to promote social justice and advocate for clients.
I have many fond memories of Win and valued metaphors and stories she shared that I continue to use in my own practise today. They will forever keep me linked to Win and her generous heart.
Our deep condolences to you Martin, and to all Win's family and friends. X

Swee, university friend
Win - I was looking forward to catching up with you after all these years...

You were my first friend at the university. Warm, open and caring - it was so easy speaking with you. You always had time for me, a young homesick student in this foreign country whose culture was so different from mine. I was fortunate that you became my friend and in a way, took me under your wing. You were always so kind, spent time explaining things to me and included me in group conversations & activities. I shall always remember you with deep gratitude and affection.

Roz, friend
I met Win about 12 years ago when I joined the church Martin’s family attend...

During the following years I was privileged to be invited to Win and Martin’s beautiful wedding blessing and to join her and the family on some lovely outings. I quickly realised what a truly unique person Win was. She possessed a great sense of fun but also an empathy and understanding of other people’s problems - including mine - which I find to be quite rare. She was extremely generous and kind to me and although we didn’t see each other very often I shall always count her as a true friend. The last time I saw Win was a year last Christmas and recall her beautiful voice soaring over the congregation in the Cathedral singing the descant to O Come All Ye Faithful and handing round a large box of chocolates in the interval.

Win touched so many lives and had so much more to give, I shall miss her very much.

James, colleague/friend
It is a shock to see Win's photo on this first page and difficult to believe...

I remember the smile and friendliness when I met Win about twenty years ago. Clinically, she was determined to see positive results and did not give up. She had the" tact" to get everybody on board. Great colleague and nonjudgemental. Good advocate for everybody. Her caring attitudes were not entirely because of her professional background. She had a big heart and was kind.

She was generous in many ways and had a good sense of humour. We enjoyed some "nice chat chat" even in difficult times professionally. She had bundles of energy and a pleasure to be in her company. She was thoughtful and coordinated our staff xmas parties. She wanted everybody to meet again.

Although, Win was very unwell, she would maintained contact with others and continued to be supportive. I shall never forget it and I will miss her. However, she is free from pain/discomfort and is on her way to heaven. Win, rest in peace.

Sincere condolences to Martin and family.

Judith, friend from school
When Winifred came into my life she was a breath of fresh air, and when I think back to what we got up to during our A levels all I can say is that they are memories I’ll never forget...

I am so grateful to nave met up with her occasionally through my life since, and I will hold extremely precious our ‘Thornbridge 4’ group meet ups in more recent years.

Winifred always had a smile, and a lovely soothing voice that made me feel at ease in her presence. She was always kind, generous, and great to be with; always ready with help and advice that was comforting.

Yes, a special lady and friend who will be missed terribly but who left behind some wonderful memories. I will truly miss Winifred, but she leaves behind a positivity we will all do well to follow.

Jan, friend of a family friend.
I only met Win a few times and always at Shibli family celebrations: weddings, birthdays, New Year so I came to think of Win and Martin as part of the clan...

Win was beautiful with such a lovely smile and a way of making you feel that you had her undivided attention when she was talking to you. I was so sorry to learn of her illness earlier this year. I shall miss her at the family gatherings.
My thoughts are with Martin, the family and her close friends.

Jane -fellow clinical trainee , friend and subsequent colleague
I first met Win when we started clinical training together nearly 40 years ago...

I was struck immediately by her warm , passionate intelligence , and later by her determination to gently empower the distressed and vulnerable and to challenge those practices and systems that failed to ...
I also remember what a good laugh Win was , her fearlessness and capacity for mischief -a mischief that was always kind , generous , playful . I am so sad that our paths diverged over the years . Despite this Win's essence burns brightly in my memory . What an enormous loss of a truly exceptional soul . Thinking especially of all those closest to Win who feel her loss most acutely .

Jenny, ex colleague / friend
Win supervised and mentored me when I set up my private practice...

We worked together over several years, referring to each other and sometimes working together to help clients and families who needed extra input. She was such an inspiring colleague who always went the extra mile, with warmth, generosity and compassion. Even after she became ill, her capacity to think of others was truly astonishing. I am so sad we have lost her but I will endeavour to carry her spirit with me.

Elise, ex colleague
Dear Martin and family. Thank you for letting me share Wins memorial with you on Saturday. It was a truly wonderful day with so many people paying their love and respects to her...

I have so many memories of working with and attending our office parties with Win. Her advice on dry shampoo and organic wine were some of our main topics of conversation along with jazz music. I still think of Win every time I buy either of the above and wonder "now would Win have chosen this one"?. You did her proud and Win will be sorely missed.

Steve and Aenne, neighbours and friends
Wonderful, unforgettable Win, a jewel amongst women! She and Martin were the loveliest neighbours we could wish for, and we put in a daily prayer that they would never move away...

Win took an interest in everybody and helped those in difficulties wherever she could. Her capacity for sympathy and kindness was endless. We admired her strength to carry on with her work into the small hours and fondly remember the times she spent in our company for hours after midnight, which we loved because we are inveterate night owls. Often she and Martin brought us shopping on their way back from work as late as one o'clock in the morning, when we were unable to go out. A unique couple.

We once had the chance to experience Win's multi-tasking abilities one day when she was giving us a lift to a concert in London. As she was steering her car through dense traffic past St Thomas' Hospital, she still found time to move somehow out of the way for an ambulance and direct other drivers to do so as well, completed her make-up, nibbled a biscuit and alerted a local Authority via her iPad that there was an unsecured window flapping in the wind high up on a block of flats, all while chatting to us throughout. What a woman!

It was a delight to have known Win and we will never forget her.

Win Fleming

A page dedicated to Win's memory. Messages shared by friends, colleagues, clients, relatives and those whose lives have been touched in some way by Win.

A page dedicated to Win's memory.
Messages shared by friends, colleagues,
clients, relatives and those whose lives
have been touched in some way by Win.